Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
