someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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