you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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