I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish you could order shots online.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My liver just had a heart attack.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
