i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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