Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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