If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
