just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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