he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
