I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
