I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
