In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
