Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
