Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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