I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize