btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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