There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
