I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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