Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
