My cat gives me a boner
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
