I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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