Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're so nebulous sometimes
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
