my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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