I look better un-naked...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
