Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
