he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
