Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
