wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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