oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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