i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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