Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
