Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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