As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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