I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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