fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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