no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
