i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
