Pants 0. Shit 1.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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