fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
