My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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