Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
