is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
