Can i not drive my cunt home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
