i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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