I seem to have left my pride at pride
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
