i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
