Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
