He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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