Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
