I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
