I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
