We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
