Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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