Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
