My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
