i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
