He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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