I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
