When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
