Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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