i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Terrible idea I love it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
