You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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