My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
