somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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