you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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