Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
