So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
