Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
