this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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