awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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