i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
