the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
