how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
