Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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