can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
