I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
