worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
