I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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