Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
