If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
