Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
