So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
