I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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