just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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