Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
