Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're like the curious george of whores
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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