No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This girl is more easily done than said...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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