Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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