I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
