Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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