You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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