Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
